Confession: remove the masks
We all wear masks. We hide from each other. It’s part of our fallenness. That is why one of the most formative practices in a small group is confession. Confession is the appropriate disclosure of my brokenness, temptations, sin, and victories for the purpose of healing, forgiveness, and spiritual growth. Without confession we are a community hiding from the truth.
I know what it’s like to do church with people who wear masks. I’ve attended very nice churches where people smiled, talked about their jobs or the weather, but never really removed their masks and revealed themselves.
I recall one couple, pillars of the church, whose marriage fell apart when the wife ran away with another man. The church was shocked; the couple had hid the reality of their troubled marriage for years. Another woman in the church was well liked by everyone, but one day she landed in the hospital to have her stomach pumped of the poison she had taken. She was so miserable she felt unable to face another day. And no one in the church knew.
I will not invest my life in a community that doesn’t value truth and confession, and neither should you. Without confession we cannot accomplish our God-given calling to transform people.
Throughout church history, whenever God has done great things, confession has always been present. In the church, confession must be freely offered—never manipulated. A small group serious about transformation should be moving into ever deeper confession—removing masks to reveal our core feelings and fears, sins we still struggle with, and areas where we’re not growing.
We need to avoid “confession killers” in our groups. These include the inappropriate use of humor. Some people are embarrassed by deep honesty, so they may mock the person confessing or diffuse the atmosphere with a joke. It sends a signal that this is not a safe place to confess, and the masks go back on.
Judgmental statements also shut down confession. Don’t use a statement to shut down an opportunity for new openness in the group.
To see real transformation, small groups must begin with reality. By removing our masks through the discipline of confession, we acknowledge the reality of who we are and open ourselves to God’s transforming work.
Application: look in the mirror
James 1:23 says, “Those who listen to the word, but do not do what it says, are like people who look at their faces in the mirror, and after looking at themselves, go away and immediately forget what they look like.” A small group is a place for people to look into the mirror, discover who they are, and then ask, “How do I apply God’s word to my life as it really is?”
As a teacher I am regularly astonished by people’s ability to hear a sermon, nod at it, be moved by it, write it down, and then do precisely the opposite of what they heard. This frequent occurrence shows the extent to which people need painstaking, patient, and careful application of Scripture to their daily lives.
We may hear biblical instructions like be gentle, be loving, be faithful—but how do I actually apply that to my boss, spouse, or kids?
What would Jesus do if someone cut him off in traffic? Would he say, “I don’t condemn you; go and sin no more”? Or, would he roll down the window and shout, “Woe to you, you whitewashed sepulcher, it will be better for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for you”? What would Jesus do? A lot of people have heard about Jesus, but many have not been taught how to apply Jesus’ teachings to their real lives. Small groups can address this gap.
What we desperately need are small groups to be schools of life. Imagine someone has a problem with anger—a small group leader should ask them: “What kinds of situations tend to get you angry, and how do you respond?” Give them some alternatives to sinful patterns of anger. Roleplay these situations in the small group. Then next week ask, “How did it go?” If they got it right, celebrate it. If they didn’t, investigate what happened, and encourage them to do it differently next time.
If this kind of application doesn’t happen in small groups, it may not happen anywhere, and people will not be transformed.
Accountability: stand on the scale
I have made certain commitments about food and exercise in my life, but how serious I am about those commitments is difficult to determine without measuring my progress. A scale serves as a tool of accountability for me. Am I achieving my goal, or am I missing it? Ultimately the scale reveals how effective I have been in living up to my commitment.
Small groups are the place for people to get on the scale and reveal how intentional they have been to pursue transformation into the image of Christ. William Paulson writes, “It is unlikely that we will deepen our relationship with God in a casual or haphazard manner.” I think he understates it. People do not drift into full devotion to Christ. People do not drift into becoming loving, joy-filled, patient, winsome, world changers. It requires intention and effort.
But the default mode of the human heart is to drift. If a person has experienced real transformation, it’s typically because someone else has cared enough to say, “I want you to live God’s way, and I want to help you know if you are serious about it.”
We need to make some key decisions on our journey of transformation: what are my commitments about prayer, about Scripture, about my use of money, about evangelism, about servanthood, about truth? Keeping these commitments requires a community of accountability to serve as a scale revealing how we’re achieving our goals or missing them.
During the spiritual revolutions of 18th century England, the Wesleyan movement thrived on small groups. When those groups originally formed, they existed to hold people accountable to their commitments as followers of Christ. They gathered in little bands to ask one another how their obedience to Christ was going. History notes, however, that over the decades the focus of the groups shifted from accountability to vague “sharing,” in the process the power of the revival was lost, and eventually the groups died out.
…more to come…
MegHuff
uwbucky
lizpurpero
dorismarie
